oxymoron

Some light weekend grading =)

 Stress.

It makes me cry, it makes me laugh.
It pushes people away, it brings people closer.
It slows me down, it drives me.
It makes me gain weight, it makes me lose weight.
It makes me lay awake, it makes me sleep.
It makes me doubt myself, it makes me assured that I am doing the right thing.

Lately though (apparently since April, my last post!), it has done all of the things I listed first, to an extreme.

I have done an incredible job of putting my more than full time job first, partially because of the nature of my job, and everything else last.  Don't get me wrong, I thrive being in my classroom, it's outside of the classroom where the crumbling begins.   I also have done an incredible job of letting myself believe and unfortunately thrive on not being good enough.  I have been unable to draw the line between mom, wife, friend, daughter, granddaughter, sister and teacher.

It's not something I can change by snapping my fingers.  In fact, it is incredibly hard to find and make that balance a reality.  I guess for some it is easy, but for my personality, that will never be easy.  In fact, I get mad at myself for not being able to handle it all.

So this weekend, in the midst of a tremendous amount of grading, preparing report cards for 45 students before Wednesday, and 26 parent conferences Wednesday - Friday, I'm again doing a really bad job at the balancing act, but in my head and my attitude, I'm trying to let the opposite side of my stress' oxymorons kick in.

I have a mom at Kirsten's soccer game to thank for that.

On Saturday morning, while Matt took Jenny to her away game, I took Kirsten to her game at the Rec, and took my regular spot on the sidelines, and pulled out the grading that happens on the sidelines every weekend.  Another mom and I started talking, and we both ended up in tears discussing this balancing act.

An hour later, she came to my door with these.

So, this weekend, I can't let stress cause me to doubt myself, because believe me, it is very tempting!  Instead,  I have to find assurance that I am doing the right thing, for now at least.